If At First You Don’t Succeed

9 Months.JPG

This photo was taken when I was 9 months pregnant with my beautiful daughter. I remember feeling so full of love and nervous anticipation of meeting my baby. I pray I’ll have this feeling again!

When I decided to publicly share my infertility journey, my goal was to first, reach out and connect with other women experiencing my struggle. I also wanted to start open and honest conversations about this incredibly tough topic. I’m sharing my experience because in doing so, I may be able to help someone become a Mother, just by speaking up. That is so powerful! And it inspires me to keep talking and sharing everything I’m learning but most of all - offering support and hope to any woman facing challenges in trying to conceive. So in starting this blog, I also understood that in talking about my journey, I would have to reveal a lot of things that are deeply personal and potentially painful. This is one of them. Our first cycle of IVF was unsuccessful. My husband and I lost our two embryos. We were devastated. We still are. Honestly, as an eternal optimist, I never thought about our first cycle failing. I knew that it could fail but I didn’t even allow myself to think about the possibility because I wanted to concentrate on manifesting our dream of a healthy second child. I tried to push every negative thought or outcome out of my head to make room for all things positive - taking special care of myself, surrounding our family with a solid support system and only talking about when the baby would come, not if. So this loss hurts in a way that I wasn’t prepared for. But I am holding on to the fact that one failed IVF cycle does not mean all hope is lost. Why does an IVF cycle fail? Some reasons are implantation failure, inadequate embryo quality or uterine health. What’s most important after a failed cycle is to determine the cause and adjust the treatment that will allow for a better chance of success in the next cycle. And that’s exactly what we have chosen to do. We remain faithful and focused on welcoming a little sister or brother for Arabella, God willing. So here we go, again:)